Joylent is here to help you reach great heights.
Human life is way too short to waste time on meaningless achievements. We’re meant to reign supreme. To reach far away galaxies, climb soaring mountains, rank high in online Call of Duty rankings and, most of all, set world records for doing dumb stuff. While that may seem impossible at first, it’s do-able. If you know the tricks, that is. Here’s a Joylent guide to setting weird World Records the easy way.
Pick an easy target
Look, you’re not gonna hop around the world on one leg just to make a point. Let’s just keep it easy, alright? Better yet, keep it extremely easy. Look up all the World Records that have been set to this day and pick one that can be beaten. Just google ‘easy world records to break’. For now, let’s just assume you’re going to set a world record eating the planet’s largest amount of Joylent–which we discourage strongly–for fun’s sake.
Stick to the rules
The people keeping the records regarding records are pretty punctual when it comes to rules. Forget the tiniest thing and you’re disqualified. Other than that…
Everything that’s not explicitly explained in the rules can be done. A beautiful example is the Fosbury Flop. Before this particular jumping technique was introduced to High Jumping, they tried jumping the bar like you would a fence. When Dick Fosbury entered the scene with the weird flop, nobody knew what hit them. Yet they couldn’t disqualify him because the rules said nothing about technique. Be like Dick Fosbury.
To cement your spot in the history books, get your attempt thoroughly documented. Ask a friend to take a ton of pictures of you eating this mountain of Joylent and call local press to cover the story. Most importantly get the World Record jury to watch you do it.
Be smart with your time and money
As any smart person will tell you, it all comes down to efficiency. In this instance, you need all the time and money you can to focus on your record attempt. There’s no time for fooling around, chillaxing or even eating. Naturally, this is where Joylent comes in handy. Just chuck down a couple of shakes
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