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A Joylent guide to enjoying a lonely Christmas


Ah, good ol’ holiday season has arrived. Time of jolliness and stuff. Unless you’re a loner, r a person that just doesn’t enjoy Christmas much. As a matter of fact, there’s a lot of real reasons to be alone this Christmas. We understand. We ourselves feel lonely every Christmas. Because let’s be honest it’s just not the right holiday for fast, efficient and cheap food. So we figured we’d share our tips to having some good ol’ solo Christmas fun.

Serve a very Joylent Christmas dinner

Who cares if you have some kind of stuffed chicken you aren’t going to finish anyway? And would you rather spend 24+ hours in the kitchen or 5 minutes? Do you prefer 100% of the all the nutrients you need or just some small portion? Let’s face it, without people around, you might as well have some Joylent Chocolate for dinner. 

Celebrate online

Normally we try to save you time, but in this case, you have two entire days on your hands. Two full days to procrastinate, lounge around on the couch and chill. The internet is a magical place for these kinds of scenario’s. You can hook up with some other loners like you on some anti-Christmas forum to talk about your situation. Maybe you’ll even find the love of your life.

Stop dreaming and start acting on a white Christmas

Being alone on Christmas means you can’t afford to wait on the climate for a white Christmas. You have to take matters into your own hands. Go ahead and make your own white Christmas with Joylent, which is better than snow nutrient-wise. All you need to do is order a shitload of Joylent and sprinkle it around your room like a crazy person. Or, if you’re not willing to look like a crazy person in the privacy of your own home (which would just make you a different kind of crazy) you could limit it to just the kitchen. Just bear in mind that since you’re home alone this Christmas, you have to clean it up yourself too.

Do some very lightly Christmas related stuff

Since you’re not going all out this year, keep it light. Play a snow level of your favorite game, check out some Christmas porn, or watch the first Die Hard film, which is technically a Christmas movie. This way you get all the fun without the hassle. To get started, here’s Afroman's excellent Christmas album:

Decorate your Christmas tree with Twennybars

Who are you trying to impress with all that fragile tingly glass stuff hanging in your tree? You think Santa’s coming in to sneak a peak? Think again buddy, it’s just you this time around. Just fill up the tree with nutritious sturdy Twennybars. That way your Christmas decorations might finally be useful at some point.

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